Episode 11 - Stillness Reveals Direction

What happens when you remove the noise?

In Episode 11 of The Walk, Jake explores a simple but confronting idea:

Stillness reveals direction.

After stepping away from distraction for just 30 minutes, Jake reflects on what surfaced — identity questions, overstimulation, career clarity, and the uncomfortable truth that many men don’t know who they are without what they do.

In a culture obsessed with productivity, busyness, and validation, we rarely sit long enough to hear our own thoughts. This episode breaks down why that might be the very reason so many men feel lost.

Inside this conversation:

• Why introducing yourself without your job title is harder than it should be
• The mental health impact of tying identity to productivity
• How digital overstimulation masks clarity
• The concept of “digital orphanhood” and presence in fatherhood
• Why endurance isn’t the same as strength
• How intentional solitude can realign your purpose

This isn’t about meditation trends or escaping responsibility.

It’s about learning to sit with yourself long enough to hear what’s actually there.

If you’re feeling burned out, uncertain, overstimulated, or stuck in performance mode — this episode will challenge you to slow down before life forces you to.

Because if you don’t define your direction, the world will define it for you.

—

Subscribe for weekly conversations on fatherhood, identity, masculinity, and emotional resilience.

#MensMentalHealth #ModernMasculinity #Fatherhood #Identity #TheWalk

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hello everyone, welcome back to the walk. Following on from last week, we spoke about identity a fair bit in that discussion, and it was centered around who you are when without what you do, and when you you can't do what you do, who are you as a as an individual? I left the conversation uh last week uh with three challenges for everyone, uh including myself. So the three challenges were introduce yourself without your job title. The second one was to sit there for 30 minutes, uh just once if you could through the week, multiple times if you can, fantastic. And just sit there and try not to fix anything, just sit there without any distractions and see how that goes for you. Um, and number three was if you had 12 months where you couldn't work or you couldn't do what you normally do, who would you want to become? And I said that I would sit there and do them as well. So I've sat there for the last week and and tried to think about these challenges questions and implement them into my, I suppose, day-to-day. And it showed me something that I didn't really expect. And what it showed me was that stillness it's it's a beautiful thing, but it also reveals direction. So with challenge number one, or question number one, which was introduce yourself without your job title, uh, I sort of find that I find it relatively easy. I've worked on doing that over a lot of the a lot of the years. I try not to get too deep into what I do for work. Um, but it has been a long journey for me to not hold that identity. And again, I'm still trying to work on what my identity is, but I don't want it to be surrounded around the fact that I just work. Um and I'm I my who I am is is Jake the concrete or Jake the the chippy um or Jake who works in construction. As I sort of touched on last week, like I'm I'm Jake, I've got two beautiful young kids, I've got an uh amazing wife, and you know, hopefully down the track, if people do ask what it is for work, it's like, well, I'm Jake and I'm I'm a coach, I help people, or I'm Jake, I run a podcast around men's mental health, we run workshops, we work with organizations, schools, young men, um, construction businesses. I would like to try and stay in that lane to a degree and help a lot of men. But I've separating that identity um for me has been quite a long journey because for a long time that's that's all I knew. And it was so quick and it's such an easy conversation starter, especially as men, when you meet a man or a guy or a bloke you haven't met before, it's so easy to be like, oh, get it, mate, how are you? Um, what do you do for work? And then you get into that conversation. Um, and what I find with having that conversation over my journey is has been it sort of went from me being a very proud individual of what I do to now it sort of deflates me and it sort of triggers a lot of negative self-talk. And I have that in conversations with people a lot where I discuss who I am and what I do, and then I get onto the work topic, and it's it's that sort of thing of um oh, like, you know, that's why I should have stayed in school, or you know, it's it's an absolute drag, or you know, don't ever fucking get into it. And that's and and and all of a sudden I find that I'm I'm really putting myself down for something that I do to provide and to also make you know make an income and support my family. So I try to avoid that conversation a fair bit. Um and and the reason being is because I try to flip it and talk about my family more, talk not about myself, because that's a very tricky space to be in when you are in a conversation with people, to constantly talk about yourself and you can see really uh really self-centered. So it's something that's taken a long time. And I've found that, as I have stated in past podcasts, that I become someone that people want to come and talk to and put their their problems, not always their problems, but just you know, tell me stuff that's going well in their life, tell them stuff that's not going so well. Sometimes offer advice, sometimes just be a set of ears. And the one thing I've found is that like having pride in your family, and that's something that I'm very, very proud of. Um, and again, it took me a long time to be proud of it, and it's not because I don't love them, I don't appreciate them, it's just our journey has looked completely different and and is not the normal path that a lot of families would take. I mean, there are, I'm sure, families out there who do go along the same path as we do, um, but I don't know enough of them, unfortunately, yet to be able to relate and everything. So it's really about having that pride in my family and pride in what we do as a collective unit. Uh, and you know, I do catch myself sometimes talking a lot about soul, a lot about Atlas, a lot about my wife. And I think to myself, shit, like, am I am I over-explaining or am I sharing too much? But I've sort of nutted it down to that's just because you're proud of who you are and where you are, and that's that's a beautiful thing. Um, I also find like more recently since starting this podcast, I'm very, very proud of what I do in this space. I've had quite a few people um from different walks of life, family members. I've had friends, I've had strangers reach out and say, like, what you're doing is fantastic. We were at a family barbecue a couple weeks ago for a birthday, and I had one of the aunties say to me, Um, love your podcast, you're doing well, and you're really helping people. And that was really nice and humbling because I don't do it for, I suppose, the accolades as a lot of people won't do it for. It's it's more part of my healing journey, but also giving that raw insight into what it is actually like being a man, or what I view being a man. Um, and to have people, I suppose, respond and it shows that they're listening and it shows they're they're taking on board what it is, and trying to understand the human, especially people who know me, trying to get a bit of an insight into my world and why I am the way I am and why I think the way I think, it is so nice to have that. Um, not that you chase it, I will reiterate that I don't chase it, but just have that little bit of validation that um people are listening, people are watching. Um, and yeah, it was just awesome to hear that. And I just want to say, like, for everyone who does get involved in this show, I'm so grateful, as I've said time and time again, but I really, really do appreciate it. Appreciate every person who subscribes, follows, reaches out, comments on anything. Like, you know, I see people comment, and I'm like, I'll take good with bad, but you know, most of the time it's really positive. And um, but I just yeah, I'm I'm extremely proud of this, and I think that's a that's a crucial thing that needs to happen um in in life, is you need to be proud of something, um, and proud to be doing something with your with your time and with your um energy. And for me, it is amazing to be able to do this. And I've been gifted this time as as much as it sucks this season of injury, but yeah, I'm very, very proud, very passionate about the stuff that I'm doing here. And um in saying that though, like when I do get into that talk about myself and what I do for work, as I'm sure a lot of people will do, um it probably reminds you of the financial responsibility you have, especially if you're in our situation, you are the sole provider. Um and you you need to have a sense of pride in that as well. Like you're you're carrying so much on these shoulders for your family, for their needs, for their survival when you are a sole provider. And even if you're not and you're two parents just trying to navigate this world, like you're I've said it before, you're doing life only once. So you're gonna fuck up, you're gonna do things well, you're gonna do things that are repetitive and mundane, and you're gonna do it, but you're really only the essence and experience of life you're only doing once. And as a parent to provide, you're really only you're learning on the go. So, you know, you might have a fantastic week and go, that was amazing. We, we, you know, we were very present as a family. We were able to go somewhere on the weekend, there was minimal tantrums, there was, you know, all that type of stuff. And you take those wins, you really hold on to it, but you can't expect the next week to follow suit and be the same. It's gonna constantly be changing the landscape. But yeah, talk about, I mean, like that, that's what I'm trying to get at is probably more the positive self-talk thing is something that I am working on. Um, and the reason I don't have that conversation around what I do for work, and I try to avoid it at times, which probably isn't healthy, is because I don't want to get into the trap of having it having that negative self-talk within myself. And when that does happen, it's about for me personally, noticing that here, you know, stomping it on its head and stopping and trying to navigate the direct the conversation in a direction that's more positive. Sometimes I even flip it back on the person in a positive way and just be like, oh, you know, anyway, that's my that's that's my little rant or whatever. And again, it's not healthy, but it's it's what I've found over my journey to help. And now doing this podcast and now doing, you know, and having so much pride in my family, and now I'm trying to go down other avenues and you know, having this time to think and re-evaluate what I'm doing moving forward in life. Um, these are all things that I've had the luxury of being able to go through my head. But I just, like I said, I would sit with these challenges and I'd tell you guys how and girls and whoever's listening, I should just say the listeners, who are on board on this journey, how I am navigating uh these challenges that I've sort of put forward. And um it is a long road, it is a long journey, and it has been something that hasn't uh you know come through uh easy. There's there's definitely been a lot of steps back to progress forward. Um and it does reveal a fair bit of discomfort. Uh, the discomfort for me talking about my job and everything, it's it's sort of not um, it's not probably about identity, it's more about like what's coming next for me. Uh, like I touched on just prior. Um hopefully one day it's you know, I'm Jake, I'm a father of two, and I've I've got an amazing wife and I've got a beautiful family, and we we live here and I do a podcast full-time, or I coach fathers or young men, or I hold workshops. Like there's so much that I'd love to achieve. Um, but there is a lot of uncertainty about what's coming next. Um, you know, throughout this week, while I have sat with these challenges, I've sort of been told I won't be going back to work in a certain capacity for about three to six months. Um and that's in an administrative sort of way. Um and I suppose the way construction set up some businesses, they don't have the uh they aren't able to facilitate my return in an administrative sort of way. Um so long term it's probably looking like I'll be off for six to eight months before I can even come back in some capacity. And there is the sort of notion floating around at the moment between the care team and and everyone who's involved in my sort of recovery that I may never go back to what I was doing. So now it's like fuck. What am I doing moving forward? Um, and I don't want that to become my identity either. Like I'm Jake and I'm sad and I'm scared and I'm confused. There is fear there, there is a lot of uncertainty there. There is a lot of clarity though coming to the to the surface, uh, which was probably overshadowed by what I was doing previously, uh, without having the time to think and and and and operate in the way that I wanted to. Um but yeah, I made that quite clear that, you know, like discomfort uh isn't my identity. I don't want to make it my identity, so I'm working really hard in the background to focus on what's coming next. And then, like I said, there's so much uncertainty there, like where we're gonna move to next, where we're gonna live. Me being injured's put purchasing a house on hold. Um, you know, you do get paid through work cover or whatever it may be, but they're not going to take a, you know, banks aren't gonna uh facilitate a loan for me to buy a house for my family. So I'm sort of stuck in this limbo stage, and it is very taxing. Uh I I've been sitting there writing things down, and one thing that I wrote the other day that really sat me, which I've I've got in front of me here, is I'm not confused about who I am. I'm actually just navigating what I'm building next. And I think a lot of fathers can relate to that because and and men especially um who are trying to build something, trying to, you know, build a relationship with a woman, they're trying to build a relationship with some friends, or they're in a new environment, they're trying to make new mates or new friends. They could be away from family, they could be trying to repair something within their family. We we take that on board as men a lot to fix things, and that's why I suppose moving on to uh challenge number two that I had last week was sort of sit there for 30 minutes and not try to fix anything, just be present, have no distractions. And I was actually gifted an opportunity to have this because my my phone um was completely rooted, like it was stuffed. I needed a new phone. Um, and there's this awesome place that now you can it's a technology store, you can take things in, you trade in your old phones and stuff, they give you a certain price you can use in store, and then you can upgrade to another phone. So for the first time in I think about four years, five years, I will maybe even longer, I've been able to upgrade my phone to something that one works better for me doing what I'm doing here, but also it's just really nice to get something new. Um but in saying that, that whole opportunity, I suppose, or that whole moment allowed me to have a prolonged period of time with no phone, no distractions, uh, no outside noise. And so what happened was I had reset all the phones the day before and this iPad that we had, I reset them all, removed all my data, whatever, ready to trade in. Um, but my personal phone that I had, I kept that right down to the last minute. So at about 9 a.m. in the morning, I sat in here where I am now in this office, and I reset the phone. Um, and my wife and kids were still here, and I said, look, I'm just gonna go down and get this phone sorted, um, thinking it would only take me half an hour. And I thought, well, that's perfect. The challenge is going, is sort of around being able to go there uh or sit in the stillness for sort of half an hour. It ended up being like a three, three and a half hour ordeal where I had like no, I didn't even know what the time was unless I looked at um ATMs at at uh at shops, just so I could be like, oh, I've got to be back there in half an hour. I've got to be. So I took everything in. I said to my wife, I'm gonna go, um, I'll be back, but I can't contact you and you can't contact me. So if anything happens, we have like a little plan of where we'll be or where to go. Leave me a note and I'll I'll I'll come there straight away. Um, so I went down to the shops and anyway, handed all the phones in. The guy said, Look, it's gonna take me about 40 minutes to an hour to get all this sorted. Then it will probably take us another half an hour when you come back to do get you the new phone, set that up for you. And I thought, well, by the time I do that, I go get like a safety case, um, safety glass put on. It's it's gonna take a while. So it ended up being like a three-hour ordeal. And the one thing that I noticed in that quietness and that stillness was I went down to get some food. So I'd taken the phones and I went down and got some food at the uh at the food court, and I sat there and for the first time, and I don't I I could not tell you how long, I just had peace. And as much as I would have loved for my family to be there and my kids to be there with me, I was able to sit there and and actually just sit there with Jake and sort of go, you know, mate, like how are you going? What are you doing? How are you feeling? Um, and it was one of the most beautiful things because I haven't had that in such a long time, especially since having kids and going through everything we have. I haven't had enough time to really prioritize myself. And I know I do talk about that a lot, and now I am, but genuine quality time with oneself, with no distractions. Like, I mean, there were shops open. Normally I'd go and kill some time by going into this shop and that shop and doing this. I just went down to this food court, I got some food and I was eating it, and I actually enjoyed the food. I was like, this is amazing, you know. Um, but what I did notice in that prolonged period of time was I lifted my head and I looked around and I noticed every single person in that food court were heads down, phones out. There were families there and they were present, but they were so disconnected. And it's no judgment, because if like I had a phone, I would have been the same. Like I would have been sitting there, probably just trying to buy kill the time so it goes faster. And and I started sitting there and I started thinking, well, and I was looking at sorry, I was looking at these kids sitting there, and they'll sort of just glued to the iPad or the phone the parents have put in front of them. And again, this is no judgment whatsoever. This is just my observation going through what I've, you know, the challenges we set. And I looked there and I'm like, maybe maybe technology's taken over that much that now we're sort of developing or or um creating generations of like uh digital orphans where the phone or or technology has become the foster parent, and the real parents are sort of way too busy, way too overstimulated to really sit there and get to know their child and get to sit there and understand their child. Um and again, like you can't hide it from your children. But I was just thinking, like, my wife and I make an active effort to try and not be on our phones. And doing this podcast, I've probably been on it a lot more than I should be. But that's purely because you know, you're trying to grow something, you're seeing if a certain reel works or a certain post works or a quote works, or if people are getting in touch. So it's something that I am working on. But this whole experience um just opened up my eyes for me. And I started thinking, I was like, well, I I feel like a lot of my problems and a lot of my struggles, I try to use my phone as almost like a therapy to escape the reality of like what's going on in my head. And then I started getting really into it, and I was like, well, that's probably why, like, and I'm talking to myself here, like I'm not actively talking, like like I'm a bit a little bit, you know, crazy. I was just talking, having this internal dialogue with myself, and I was like, you're probably using your phone, Jake, to to create an over-stimulation so that you're you're getting so much dopamine to make yourself feel good and escape your reality, and then you're getting that dopamine fatigue and you're becoming someone who just is disconnected from reality. And again, no judgment, like if I had my phone, I would have been those people. But sometimes it takes us a moment like that to really uh open things up, and what I noticed was like that stillness for me personally didn't create any anxiety whatsoever, it actually gave me a lot of clarity. Um, and I truly believe it's because stillness reveals direction, and I've been living by that since that moment. Um, and it's such a hard thing to live by, especially in the world we're in now, and we are so, like I said, overstimulated. Um, we can't sort of compare. I mean, our I've talked about comparing our struggles to others, and that's how toxic that can be, and how shocking that can be to, you know, like uh comparison, sort of the devil to joy. And I spoke about that with the dad coach Aaron, and you know, we were speaking about you know how so many people view success or view happiness on like being able to upgrade their car, being able to do that. But I just saw so much like happiness within myself just sitting there and not having any distractions, which was, yeah, like I said, it was amazing. And I highly recommend it to anyone. Um, if you have the ability to be able to get yourself a away, or even just go with your your partner or your family and just make a conscious effort to not have the phones out at all. Like if you want to capture those moments, those videos, those photos, those golden moments of a trip away with with your your kids and your and your partner, do it by all means. But that sort of doom scrolling, which we're all victims of, I've victims of it many times, um I think it just really overstimulates us to to in a way that we utilize it to hide ourselves from our problems. And it's gotta be better ways. Like, I was even thinking about older generations. Generations and how they did not have the ability to escape their emotions. So, you know, like for us, it's kind of like uh I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling shit, I'm gonna go on and watch some reels about people doing dumb shit or doing funny stuff. Or whereas like the older generator, they didn't have that. Like if they were mad, they'd just sit with that moment, and if they were happy, they'd just sit with that moment. And I think that's so important. Um they sort of went through life, hiding emotions and and holding things in to be a man, as we we talk about. Um, I don't agree with, but I feel like a lot of them probably got a lot of clarity through life by just being able to sit there and they can't compare. They made the most and they did the best with what they had. And yeah, I had a uh a family member visit last week for a coffee as well, and I was talking to him, and you know, he sort of just said, I think we're talking about this podcast stuff and mental health and everything that goes in with it, and yeah, he sort of just said to me, He goes, I just think the older generation has just got up and got on with it. I think that's what's lacking in this current climate. And we had a really good chat about it where I just sort of said, you know, and I went through the effects that I've seen from technology and the effects that I've seen from comparison and also, you know, the current climate financial-wise, like the you know, it's such a hard climate, you know, $80,000 this year. If you're making $80K, sorry, back then would be $260k the equivalent now, and inflation's happening, and then you know, we'll go through it all. We had a really good in-depth conversation about stuff. But you know, I just I I like I said, I highly recommend to anyone, if you get the time to be able to get away, really, really do it and enjoy it. Um, be present in that moment, enjoy it with your kids, enjoy it with your partner, and even just enjoy it with yourself. You can, you know, I even think about going to the gym. And I'm like, well, every time between sets, I'm always like, I do I do my set, and then I sit there and I sort of scroll for a bit, and then I get back in, and I'm like, well, I can't like maybe just enjoy the moment of being at the gym and nothing else is bothering you or surrounding you except for your own self and where you know, your next rep or your next set. Like, just be so present. Um, but yeah, I thought, like, like I said, I wanted to share that because for me it didn't reveal a lot of anxiety. And if it revealed a lot of anxiety for you, then by all means that's completely normal because in the past it has revealed a lot of anxiety for me, where I'm just like, I need to fix this, or I can't sit still, I need to go do that. And that's where in you know the previous episode I spoke about like if you can't sit still, um, you know, without having to move, or you can't, you know, like your sort of identity is a bit shallow, and that's what I've noticed within myself, especially after that block of sitting there uh for you know three or so hours and just no distractions. And I was like, whoa, I I wow, like I really thought that I was sort of this person and I needed to be doing this, and I needed to be busy and I needed to be stressed. All of a sudden I'm just like, I just need this time every so often to just go right. Where am I going? Pros, cons. Pros outweigh the cons on this list, and the cons outweigh the pros on this list. They've got similarities. Which direction are we moving in, or which direction am I moving in? And that's what I'm going through right now. Um, but I just wanted to share that because I thought it was a a really uh yeah, it was just a it was a crazy experience. I came back and my wife was like, What happened to you? And I'm like, I was just amazing, and I explained it to her, and I just said, like, I, you know, and I said, It's not because the kids weren't there screaming in one ear and screaming in the other and hanging off me. It was more just I had so much clarity um coming back, and I was like, I think we need to do this, and I think we should head down this path. And she was just kind of blown away, being like, Wow, you came back, and I just thought like a whole weight had been lifted off your shoulders. And I said, Well, I didn't have any distraction to pull me away from sitting there with my thoughts. The it it did sort of sitting there and talking to myself, however, did, you know, um did sort of push me into thinking about you know, providing and stuff as well. Like I came back with a lot of clarity and I started thinking, you know, like a lot of which ties back into probably challenge number one, but just sort of that, you know, being the sole sort of provider and around every bill and every meal and every expense is covered by me, and that's a big weight to carry. So I try and now I you know sort of open my eyes up to approach that a bit different. And as I said prior, like be proud of being able to do that, but also don't make it your identity. Um what I did notice too is when I was you know talking about meeting a family member, um I think the older generations, and I think this is why it gets quite quite difficult for them, especially around this whole mental health movement and and bringing it to the forefront. Um, one, I don't think they had the opportunity to, it was quite a taboo thing. I think it still is to a degree, but back then it was a lot more taboo. And um so I think there's a little bit of like, well, we never got the opportunity to, so why should you? Um which is a poor way of thinking. Um, but again, they don't know any better, and they need to try and get better at understanding that. Um, because I'm sure the parents before them thought the same way, you know, they went through world wars and this and that, and they were probably just like, you know, we had to be tough. And but what I think that's all come from is they mistaken strength for endurance. And what I mean by that is like if you want to build your endurance, like anyone can go on a treadmill, anyone can hop on a bike and build that endurance, but for strength takes real um initiative, you know, like if you do want to build a certain muscle group or you do want to get stronger, and I'm using the gym as a bit of an analogy for this, you've really got to hone in and zone in on that. And it and it can be short little things over a long period of time to build that muscle. Whereas like you can jump on a treadmill for 60 minutes a day, walk at a certain pace, all of a sudden you build endurance relatively quick to that exercise. Um, and I think the way we think around that is yeah, like strength takes courage. Endurance, and again, there's probably gonna be people here who say to me, You're an idiot, you know, nothing. But I in my experience and from playing sport and everything, I always found endurance so hard to uh so easy to do and strength so hard to do. And that's why I actively made the effort to try and get stronger in certain aspects of my body or certain aspects of the sports that I was playing. Because endurance is something that's just gonna come with the more reps that you're doing. But strength takes small little intentional movements and focusing on certain things to be able to grow, just like I said, like I was using the gym, it's the same thing. You want to build your biceps, well, you need to train it in a certain way, or you need to up your weight and and drop your reps and really slow and steady to get to that point. And I think that's what the older generations have probably mistaken for strength, is being is the endurance, whereas now we have the ability to understand that and be aware of that um and make change. We we're the first, I truly believe, the first sort of generation in a very long time who can make change for for our families and for ourselves, and um you know, focus on ourselves instead of just enduring what we don't enjoy. Um Endurance, I suppose, like I said, is is surviving and strength is choosing. And I will not endure the downfall, I will not endure down, like you know, um, I will not endure to the downfall of my my own happiness, is pretty much what I want to get at. Like, I have that written down here, and something else that I sort of noted, like I will not endure to the downfall of my own happiness. And we need to break these cycles for the future generations so that they can in turn be um who yeah, can be who they they want to become and the best versions of themselves. Um, and we need to guide them in a certain way that the guidance we probably didn't have, and some people did have, but you know, speaking from my experience, I had guidance in certain aspects, but in other aspects I probably didn't have the guidance that I required, although the older generation probably thought it was there and they were doing the right thing, but wasn't what I required at the time, and now I've got to put the work in to try and get that. Um challenge number three was centered around if you had 12 months to to not work or you were off for 12 months, what would you do? And getting the news this week that you know I've already been off for five weeks, going into this is the sixth week, and it's going to potentially be six to eight months at best to return in some capacity. And that capacity is like can't lift over five kilos, can't it's like, well, I'm fucking, I do form work, I do concreting, like I'm whacking star pickets in the ground, I'm carrying Rio. It's it's going to be very hard to not lift anything over five kilos, and it's going to be reduced hours. And anyway, I started thinking about that. What would it be like a year without work and what who would I want to become? And there was a mix of probably panic and excitement when imagining that year without work. Now, the panic set in because shit, what am I going to do? I've only ever known one thing for 15 years. Am I, you know, am I going to stay in that that that lane or am I going to expand myself out? So now we're trying to work through with my care team if we can get sort of additional studies approved so that I can upskill so that when I do return to the workforce, I can move into another role that sort of meets my body's needs and is less harsh on the body. Um, but then there was also all that sort of fear and and panic around like, am I ever going to be able to go back to the gym? Am I going to be able to train how I used to train? Like I used to love doing that. Um, but there was also excitement. It was kind of like, well, this is a new chapter. And you've spoken so long, like I've spoken so long to myself about getting out of what I'm doing and really doing something that fulfills me. And now we're like, we're 11 episodes into this journey, and I'm like, this is what excites me. This is what gets me going. Now, not don't do it for the money, but could it make me money? Potentially. In order for it to make money, I've really got to take a leap, I've got to risk it all. All good business owners have done that before. But it's that level of ex of excitement for me that I'm at, you know. I had some really positive feedback from a big podcast company or distributor who sort of said, you know, once you get up around these numbers, come back to us. There was no like, oh, your content's low or shallow or your approach is shit. Or they're like, and I asked for honest feedback, like raw honest feedback, and their their response was literally, once you're up around here, come back. And I say that as you're doing the right thing, you're on the right track. As soon as you're here, we've we'll we'll help you. Um, which was fantastic to hear. But going back to that study thing, it's kind of like, well, what am I going to study? What's it look like? Um, you know, you always got to, I think, have a plan B. People who say don't have a plan B obviously don't have a family. Um, you need to have a plan B in case things don't go to plan. And um, so then it's like, do I step into sort of a people and culture manager? Do I step into a HR role? Do I step into an OHS role? These are all things that are easier on my body. I've trialed the project management, I've trialed the supervisor and off the tools form and stuff. Hate it, um, you get absolutely ridden. Doesn't matter where you work, you get absolutely ridden. And again, I could go into that. That's probably something I'll cover way down the track, but it's that old sort of business-minded models where it's like, you know, they want you to act the exact same as a director and have the same amount of care, but won't remunerate you for that effort. And for me, it's like, nah, like I'd much rather go into a space where I know what my job is, I know what I've got to do. It helps people, keeps people safe. That's probably what I'm looking at now, sort of OHNS or HR sort of role. Um, I recently completed my mental health first aid, level three, um, which was a fantastic course. I recommend it to anyone. Um, one, it was great for what I'm doing here, for me to understand how to facilitate a conversation with people and be qualified to be able to do that. Obviously, I can't uh put someone through therapy or I can't tell them what to do, but I can just spark that conversation around how you're going, how's things at home? You look, don't look yourself, are you all good? And knowing how to approach that, knowing when a panic attack's happening, knowing when depression and suicidal thoughts are sort of lingering in that person's mind, and being able to guide them and also being able to be a representative for the people of a company to say, you know, Joe Blow is not feeling his best. I think we need to sit him, you know, in a respectful way, keep it confidential, unless it is really impacting, just go, maybe we could try doing this with him or with her. And so that's sort of the route I'm going down. Um the real weight for me would be the finances side of things. Um we rely very heavily on what I make, uh being the sole provider, and that weight is weighing really, really heavy right now, especially being on well, you know, work cover. Um, you do get paid, but it's obviously not your full wage. And I'm so grateful that I am getting paid. And, you know, my employer's been fantastic, but it's also that weight of like, you know, if I go and start a new role, it could be bottom, I'll be probably most likely the bottom of the food, food chain again. So I've got to start again from scratch and build my way back up. You know, I built myself from an apprentice to where I am now over 15 years, making good money, work hard for it. I'm not saying I don't, I work extremely hard for it, as I'm sure a lot of construction workers would understand once you're up around those structural form and and you know, on the ground forming on the tools roll. You work very hard and you don't get a chance really to switch off. So, but I'm gonna have to go back to starting at you know square one, and then there's um the weight of where we're going as a family next. So, really, our plans of buying a house are now on hold for six to eight months. Um surgery's coming up, it's been moved, it's been pushed a few months out now. So now it's sort of that's lingering, which has then held us here for longer. And and I'm you know trying to think like has this back thing happened for a reason, and so much going on in my mind. But um, through it all, I really find that excitement felt more honest for me than panic. And for everyone, it's going to be different, and for everyone, it it it's no judgment whatsoever how it made you feel. You how your body reacts to your emotions is pure is unique to yourself and don't shy away from them. But the one thing I noticed is I was very excited, and not excited because I'm not working, I actually miss work. It's it's extremely difficult to do this talking now. Like if I'm going to record a podcast, I need to be going for a couple walks in the morning, doing these stretches the physio's giving me, just to be able to sit here and facilitate this conversation for longer than 20 minutes. Because I do like doing the long form um stuff on here and the conversations, uh, especially when I sit down with people and do those ones, you know, it's sort of painkillers, and we'll have breaks in between. I'll get up and stretch, and then we continue and you know, I want to get to a point where I don't have to do that. But um, like I said, it's not because I don't want to work, I do miss being in a sort of working environment around people, but the excitement of what that work could look like and how fulfilling it could be because my job's been so unfulfilling for so long really gets me excited. And one thing I keep telling myself, and I keep writing it in my journal sort of nearly every day, is and I've written it down here so I can say it, but I'm not afraid of failing, I'm afraid of never trying. And I've been trying to get that through to my wife as well. She's very much similar, but you know, with the move, thinking we're moving interstate, now we may stay in Victoria, now we may, we still may go to Tasmania. We don't know what we're doing yet, but wherever we go, we need to go intentionally and we need to ensure that, you know, I'd much rather go there and not work and I come back or I moved back in my family for 12 months and reassess than sort of be those what-if people because I grew up around a lot of what-if people. Like, what if the business didn't fail? What if we didn't sell the house? What if we had a move there? What if we never stayed for the kids and we did what we wanted to do? And it's yeah, I just don't want to be one of those people because I've done that for a lot of years with a lot of things, and I'll go into depth. Like I said, the more this walk happens, the more you'll start to see who I am and and why I think the way I do. And hopefully you, as the listener, will start to understand who you are and why you feel certain ways and why you react to certain things. Um, but I just, yeah, like I said, I'm not afraid of failing, I'm afraid of never trying. And I want that to sit with people because the worst case scenario is you're back doing what you're doing now and you you hate it. Best possible. Best case scenario is you don't even know because you haven't tried. And it's very easy for me to sit here and say that to you again. I don't mean it in any way of a judgment, it's only because I'm I've had the luxury to be able to sit here and think over this you know period of time. And I just want people to try and get the best out of themselves. That's what this is all about is getting the best out of ourselves and also me finding the best version of myself. And I think by backing yourself, you need to combine defiance and belief. And but not have one outweigh the other. Like for me, I'm doing it because I believe that I'm destined for something greater, and I believe that I this this journey that I'm I'm on, and all you are on with me could lead me to something that words can't even put together. Like it'd be the most amazing euphoric feeling doing this every day, day in, day out. So that's why I do it for the belief, but also for a bit of defiance for all those times over the years where I have not done something because someone said I couldn't do it, or because someone didn't believe I could have done it. And when you're younger, you you sort of do chase a bit of validation because you've got people you look up to and you want them to tell you you're doing the right thing. Um, but I can sure as hell tell you don't do it purely for defiance. And sort of how I spoke about anger, if it is for defiance, let that be the petrol, don't let it be the driver. So let it fuel what you're doing, but don't let it consume and control you. Um so that's sort of where I was uh with those three challenges. Um, I'd love to hear how everyone else went with theirs. Um, like I said, or at any stage you want to, feel free to reach out. Drop me a DM, drop me a message, email, whatever it is, I'd love to hear about it. I think sort of as a whole, you know, to finish and close this out, maybe the real question was was never like who am I without work? It's probably more around who am I with like without noise. And again, stillness reveals direction. If you know, if you don't know how to operate in the chaos and the noise, which I didn't know for a long time, only really noticing this now, um, then put in the work into getting better at that. Like I said, even that factory reset, like I had the three hours, step away and go and do something for yourself or something for your family with no distractions, no worry about what anyone else is thinking, what other people want. Just go and do it. Um, we are definitely overstimulated as a species. We're overadvised and we're overexposed. Um, you know, since that time I haven't been on social media as much, and I uh except for with this podcast, but I'm I've just noticed like I'm so much less stressed because I'm not worrying about what's going on in the world or what's happening here. And I'm not saying they're not important topics, they are, we need to be passionate about stuff, but I feel like it's just an over-stimulation and over-consumption of shit constantly getting thrown at us as if we don't have enough crap to deal with on the day-to-day. So really focus inwards on oneself is my advice. Um, and see what you want to get out of life, you know. If like if you feel if you feel lost or maybe you feel a little bit broken and like I have been over the over the years, then maybe you're just overstimulated. Maybe we're similar, you know, and it's clarity that's trying to come through to the surface to give you a bit of guidance and to make you understand the world doesn't need more busy men. It needs clear ones, intentional ones, and present ones. Um, like I said, if this has met you sort of where you are right now, by all means reach out. Um, take whatever you want away from this. If you take something fantastic, if you don't, I'm so appreciative that you're still here at this point of the of the episode. And um, like I said, I am trying to ramp sort of things up with the content-wise um, you know, what these episodes are surrounding. We'll be tapping into sort of marriage stuff coming up soon from and again it's all from lived experience and and dealing with um you know anxiety and pressure and what that kind of looks like for me and how I work through it. Um but if there's anything you do want to hear or any topics you do want brought up, by all means, like I said, get in touch and and reach out. But just remember, stillness reveals direction. I'm Jake Dunley, and this is the War.